#sometimes you gotta lie to people to pretend like u understand them so that they are less likely to feel judged by you

[ileftherbackhome]

and the bitch of it all, in real life, when you're met with a person you love saying some really fucking racist shit like "i dont vote because it makes me so angry and stressed that i just cant for my mental health" the correct response in that moment is to meet them with empathy and understanding while being realistic about how privileged of a take that is. you can't sit there and let your initial anger get the best of you if you ever wish to have people do what needs to be done to get the results you wish to see in society. you have to be like "i totally understand" even if you dont before explaing your perspective as non-judgmentally as possible "but for me, personally, i do not do anything else like protest or donate to funds so voting is the bare minimum because when you don't vote, people die which is harsh to hear i guess but it's the reality of the situation" and you have to hold space for their stupid ass defenses AND educate them on how complicit they are to enabling all the things they complain about.

it all fucking sucks man. welcome to the real world kid.

[deutoplasmic]

HELP SUSPICIOUS SHOSEI 😭 it’s like hes secretly a tanuki getting into all sorts of trouble

FENGFAN BEST BOY ITS TRUE ITS TRUE

omg same though my chinese isnt good enough to keep up with people especially if theyre from 东北 😭 theyll be saying stuff so fast and im like :D what

i love all kinds of cookies!! as long as they dont have raisins in them,,, i have the taste buds of a toddler

thats okay 😔 if we wanted to stan smart people we would be stanning men 😔 OOOO WHOS YOUR DXTEEN BIAS? i havent gotten around to most of their content yet so i dont know the braincell count ranking

okay so lets just say (jo1’s fandom name)(jo1’s fandom name)subs. has a carrd. 🫡🏴‍☠️ u get me? 🫡🏴‍☠️ have fun 😙

uh. honestly animation just takes a lot of training and patience lmaO you just keep practicing till your brain explodes 😭 and yea knitting and crocheting are so much fun to me!! i feel like a cat playing with yarn lmao

RIGHT YOU GET ME!!! i love a good ruined boy. makes me wanna give rihito head pats

i like. a bunch of artists lmao the songs i sent you are barely the tip of the iceberg 😭

you're not here to ask questions you're here to take his laundry and get paid 🤑🤑🤑 BUT TANUKI SHOSEI IS SO REAL. hes too cute and wholesome he has to be doing smth nefarious

omg i remember poking the ini ao3 tag and there are a bunch of chinese fans who keep writing kimunishi smut LMAO like goddamn nothing about your homeland boy

OK same boat same boat 😔🤝 aforementioned irl's mother is from 东北 and she's honestly pretty easy to understand but. yeah. it's the 儿话 for me bro 😔😔😔 fake it til you make it i suppose

oh my GOD YOURE SO REAL FOR NO SULTANAS cannot stand them they're so bad. sultana bread my beloathed. i can't lie sometimes i buy the custard thingies meant to introduce infants to different foods bc it's cheaper than actually buying a proper custard carton 😰

ofc 😔 all the smart people are off getting office jobs or whatever not becoming idols 😔 omg i like koshin but at like certain angles he looks disturbingly like 周深 it's a bit scary. tbh i only watch the dxteen content with premises that i find interesting...... bc i can't be bothered to watch them all.......... if it helps their academic test had 2 people get under 10/50. koshin highest scorer got 32 (?)/50 and second place nalu (?) got 25/50. so. yknow. but the quiz was a bit silly there was a quote in it which was by from some american guy in the 1800s or smth that was apparently part of like the civil smth subject

i do get you 🙏 thank you very much. i will keep it for reference 🙏

wait that is genuinely so cool. damn it (me when things take effort) ...... but YES omg i made like two beanies in like may to prepare for the winter and . never used them . it's like nearly spring so um. either way what kind of stuff do you make???

YES idk something about a pathetic flop fail boy.... so very tasteful....... rihito trying to practice confessing by pretending his cat is you and not noticing you walking in and witnessing it all.... and when he sees you he's like "UHHHH WELL GOTTA FIND THE CAT LOL" and speeds out the door like it's life or death. and his cat is still sitting there

[georgemackayhey]

Rules For Falling In Love: #1

summary: In which George wants to get married. But... you're not dating. Why should you say yes?

a/n: Here it is I'm obsessed with this concept my dear friend thought up, so much so that I was inspired to write this multichapter fic about it all. Please let me know if I forgot to tag anyone, or if you'd like to be added to the list! And as always... feedback of any and all kinds are greatly appreciated!

w/c: 2k

Part 2 >

───※ ·❆· ※───

"Don't be a third wheel, come on now!" Dean's publicist shooed him away from where you stood next to George, counting down the seconds till the red carpet came to an end. You gave the guy a quick, twisted frown, as George's publicist pulled him further down the carpet, his hand holding on to yours, silently bringing you along.

This was just another normal Friday evening.

When the time came to flood into the award ceremony, you sighed in relief and reached for a drink from the tray of a despondent boy meant to stand right where he was for most the night.

"Don't you have any place better to be?" Dean laughed your way, thanking the waiter for the drink he swiped.

"We were going to go bowling." You shot George a look. You'd only made the plans as a joke, wondering how much shit either of you would get for ditching this stupid ceremony to go have a bit of real fun. But you'd made a promise to George long ago, to attend all these silly little Hollywood shindigs with him.

"And we will go bowling if we make it out of here alive" George declared with a nod, leading you toward the row of seats with your names on them. He hated these events almost more than you did. He insisted your presence aided to quell his anxieties these circumstances stirred up. And you couldn't tell George no, very often.

"If one of you ever did one thing without each other, I think hell would freeze over." Dean chuckled as you all settled into your seats. You looked to George again, and he looked to you and you both laughed, but Dean was probably right.

After the awards had been given out between long, sometimes painful speeches, the boy's publicists insisted they linger around the after-party for as long as they could manage. You kept your usual pace in between them, cackling over stupid old jokes and offering forced toothy grins to celebrities who asked if they could steal George away for photos and chats about the magic of acting- or whatever.

"You know, no one has even ever asked about us." You pointed out to Dean, sharing a piece of cake in the quietest corner of the party. "Showbiz people I mean. They just assumed right away. Even the times we've insisted we're only friends, they insist we're joking." You huffed a laugh.

"That's Hollywood for you, I suppose. But you've gotta admit... you and George-"

"Are just friends." You finished. Dean halted, smiling in agreeance to drop the subject, but clearly held back from stating his other points, whether they were valid or not.

After one too many sweets and drinks, George found you and informed his sister was on her way to give the two of you a lift home. You traded a few hugs with Dean, making rough plans to meet up again very soon, without all the cameras and microphones in the way.

///

"How was your date, then?" George's sister wondered as you clamored into the back of her car. George followed behind with an answer.

"It wasn't a date, it was work thinly veiled as fun."

"But you went together, which makes it a date."

"Nice try," You rose a finger, buckling in as the girl sped off toward the city streets. She'd always found sly ways to get you and George to admit there was something deeper to your connection. She'd introduce you to her friends as her brother's girlfriend. She'd address Christmas presents to the both of you, handing them out with a wink.

"I don't understand you two." She dramatically croaked now, as if your denial was her personal defeat. "You're catfishing the world!"

"We're not pretending to date." George reminded his sister, "And we're also not pretending we don't live together."

"Yeah so why aren't you dating? You do everything else together."

"We live to torment you. It's all to drive you mad" George falsely confessed.

"I wouldn't put it past you." His sibling let out a whine.

You and George shared a roll of your eyes, dulling snickers and exhausting explanations that weren't worth wading through. The midnight ride to your flat fell silent then. The night had been long, but it was a seemingly usual evening, these days.

By the time you and George shuffled up the drive, waved his sister goodnight, you were ready to forgo your usual routine and drop face-first into bed.

"I think my sister has a point," George mumbled, shutting and locking the front door.

"Hmm?" You encouraged George to go on, halfway in tune to listen, more so gearing up to head to bed after such a long evening out. George remained silent as you kicked your shoes off, and didn't speak again until he had your undivided attention.

"Let's get married," George said.

You tossed your head back in a laugh as you floated further into your shared home.

"I'm serious, y/n." George hurried along, moving to stop you from walking away, boring his sleepy eyes into yours.

"What?" You chuckled again, shaking your head, trying to keep up.

"We already live here. We've been talking about sharing a bank account. And it'll be so much easier to introduce as my wife than as 'my best friend who I live with but am not dating but go everywhere with.'"

"But that's the truth!"

"Marriage could be true! Think of how much easier life would be."

"George, how much have you had to drink?" You cackled as you pushed past him, into the kitchen for a glass of water. You clattered about the cupboards as he followed you, rambling still.

"I'm serious! We've planned out our lives together already. Future vacations, birthday parties, career deadlines, all accounted for with each other in mind. We should just get married."

"George! I will not let you lie at the altar. A wedding is for two people who want to commit every bit of their lives together for the rest of the foreseeable future."

"My plans for the weekend are always to ask you what you want to do the next. I'm your only emergency contact." George listed off these points as if they were dead giveaways.

"Okay, let's say we get married." You entertained, standing in front of George as he noshed on some deserts he'd brought home from the after-party. He raised a pretty brow, waiting for you to go on.

"Sure nothing changes at first, not really. You're already my ride to work, and I already promised to go to all those silly Hollywood parties with you. But what happens in five years when I want to move to France and you want to stay here? What happens in six months if some super hot mailman comes and sweeps me off my feet? What happens when you fall in love with some leading lady, George?"

"People get divorced all the time." He shrugged.

"That's a lot of money to blow. And for what? For a lousy label and some ugly rings?"

"So we pick out some bloody cool rings and promise to only get divorced if shit hits the fan. Neither of us can stay mad for long. Remember when I spilled wine on your great grandma's old lounge chair? I was fully prepared to be excommunicated. But you just hugged me while you cried." George chuckled, keeping his desserts close.

"Do you really wanna kiss me in front of your mother and the world and pretend that this is normal?" You tried to ask with a serious glare, but it was just too funny. You couldn't help but let out a little giggle of disbelief that this was the conversation you were having on an otherwise normal weekday evening.

"Y/n, we're practically already married."

"George I love you, but this is a stupid idea."

"I don't think it is, but I love you too. I'm taking this box of macaroons to bed, now."

"Okay goodnight you two." You laughed, pulling at the sleeves of your too-tight dress on your trek down the hall.

"Wait!" You called out, a few steps from your room. "Can you unzip this, please?" You took a few backward steps to meet where George had stalled in the hall, macaroon halfway in and out of his mouth, he balanced one hand on your shoulder and used the other to undo the zipper that hugged your spine.

"G'night!" You heard him mumble past his dessert as you gave him a wave of thanks and practically threw yourself into your nice warm bed.

///

You met George when you were kids. You grew up attending the same local festivals and schools. His acquaintance turned more familiar with each passing summer until you'd become rather inseparable. It was that fact that kept his number in your contacts when you moved to the city, and he went away to film more often.

You'd kept up lunch dates when he came back home, and celebrated holidays with his family every time they invited you to come round like they'd been doing for years. You'd even attended a few birthdays and dinner parties with his family when George was out of town, when you hadn't spoken with him in months.

You moved in with George some odd years ago, when the flat you rented threw one too many unfixable issues your way. His home was the closest to your work, and he was one of the only friends you trusted enough to reach out to for help. After occupying his guest room for a few months, George insisted you move your things into the place you'd already practically been living in.

His home was big enough, tucked away just outside of the city. It's high ceilings, warm decor and a manageable rent were easily and comfortably split between the two of you. It made sense. You'd been sharing most of your free time together for years, anyway.

You shuffled through the bright halls, past framed photos of George's family. Of you and George. There was no difference, you'd been close for so many years, your lives were complexly intertwined whether you liked it or not. Luckily, you did.

George was already in the sun-drenched kitchen when you entered, stretching into the new day.

After trading usual morning greetings you could practically hear George's silent, burning thoughts. He poured you each a cup of coffee and shot you a look you knew was meant to say much more than words could.

"Okay, what?" You asked in a warning tone, accepting the drink he placed before you at the table, before sitting in the chair at your side. You knew George had something to say, and he'd say it whether you asked him about it or not.

"My mum thinks we've been dating since Uni. You know we can't talk her out of it. If anything she'd be relieved."

Oh, he was really still hung up on this huh?

"So you wanna do this because of your mother?" You asked, watching the steam curl up from the drink between your hands.

"No. I wanna do this because being together officially would make all our being together anyway, so much easier. Bills, plans, excuses, rainy days."

You looked at George, his start blue eyes, his unkempt hair, that stupid withheld smile he got when he was focused on something. You loved him for longer than you had the patients to do the math for. You planned on loving him for a while, even when he pissed you off, you couldn't imagine struggling alongside anyone else...

"Earth to y/n."

"I'm not responding because you're starting to make sense and I don't like it." You pretended to pout. Then George went silent for a beat, his brilliant eyes searching your face.

"Do you still want to go bowling?" He pipped up as if he'd just remembered you'd said something about it a day earlier.

"Sounds fun, doesn't it?" You asked, hoping he'd join you in wasting a day having childlike fun. George bit back a grin, leaned in close to catch your eye, and said,

"If I win... we'll get married."

You wanted to curse his name through a laugh, but you very rarely could tell the man no. And you hated to admit it even to yourself, but the more you thought about it... the more you liked the idea.

"And if you win?" George mused, egging you on. But you didn't need to place bets to play.

"Let's go bowling, Mackay."

///

As you took turns knocking pins down, George brought up several valid points.

How his family adored you. How he'd drop anything to be there for you when you needed him. How you'd always talked about how scary the future seemed, but agreed it was better to face together, like always.

And you argued for a moment that maybe neither of you knew any better, how you were all each other knew since growing up.

But George pointed out that simply wasn't true. He'd traveled. Met girls, none of whom were around at all anymore. You'd dated and failed to find anyone worth keeping around. It was as if you and George were the survivors of some twisted game of life, having only managed this far because of how you relied on each other.

But you weren't on the same bowling team.

You were scoring strikes left and right a few solid points ahead in the game.

But George was close to beating you, one good turn and he'd wind up the winner.

All the while, George only stalled his passionate speeches to listen and laugh over yours. And as you considered how familiar his presence was, and the way you couldn't imagine living life any further apart, you'd made up your mind.

But every time you thought of voicing your decision, something stopped you. You bit your tongue and decided that you'd wait to see if your feelings changed soon. And after some serious thought, you could either tell George that you'd hate to let him down, but plan a movie night alongside his favorite dinner, to make up for your decline. Or you'd tell him yes, and agree to his stupidly sweet idea to get hitched. Because you couldn't tell him no.

He won the game.

But of course, George wasn't living and dying by the bet he made that coaxed you to play. And you never really agreed to it anyway. The two of you simply went on arguing on the way home, more or less about how you were on the same page, and just what to do next.

And while you made dinner together, your conversation stopped when you sucked in a big breath and spun on your heels across the room. You'd heard enough.

George raised a pale brow, sitting patiently at the table as the oven did its thing. Then he watched as you settled back to the seat across from him, placing a pad of paper and a pen down.

"If...we do this, I'm writing down rules."

George watched on, sipping tea as you scribbled away. Once you felt comfortable with the list of regulations you'd penned, you read from the marked-up note pad, one at a time.

"Okay, listen up..."

MARRIAGE RULES

one. No lying to family and friends. They get to know that this isn't conventional.

two. No lying to each other. We're only doing this to make things easier. We must remain every bit a team.

three. We must celebrate our anniversary because there's no point in not milking the chance to go on holiday.

"Now," You flipped the page to a new set of rules before George could go on smooth-talking.

DIVORCE RULES

"We can only get a divorce under dire circumstances. Which include the following..."

one. If we betray each other's morals or trust in a way that cannot be fixed or forgiven after a year's time.

two. If one of us is dying. Actively dying.

three. If one of us finds and falls in love.

"We've managed to work out all the bad shit together so far and I'm sure we can keep that up. A divorce is too much money to waste over one fight we end up resolving and remain otherwise together."

"So you'll do it?" George grinned, setting his drink to the side.

"Is this you asking me to marry you? It's very unromantic. Negative three out of ten." You laughed, George did too. But you needed to make yourself very clear.

"I'll think about it." You clarified. "You should too."

You’d tell him yes later. Because as much as it scared you... you'd already made up your mind.

───※ ·❆· ※───

taglist: @whenthe-smokeisinyoureyes @andux @imaginationandlove @velvetgoldsilver @queen-bunnyears @maria-josefin @dearevansamham @belledamsceno @nilletellsstories @haileymorelikestupid @loulouloueh​ @visionsofmelodrama

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did.  I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl. 

I think kabu and minatos relationship  is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over.   you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time

[macklives]

session 81 end

wow, okay, first things first

AC!!!!!

shes so fucking cute holy shit i love her so much i dont even know where to begin??

i mean i guess its because im so used to troll snark and the way they just? banter constantly? seeing someone who is a literal ray of sunshine is so refreshing and wholesome and pure. god she’s great. shes a cat, she knows her stuff. she’s strong and theres also this guys???? who shes scared of?? and tells her what to do??? yeah no, idk who it is but let her make her own decisions lol

maybe its just over exaggeration or whatnot, and hes not bad but first impressions do a lot to me and right now the only thing i know about this guy is that AC needs his approval for everything. i guess ill see where that takes us. hopefully nowhere bad. but AC seems like she can take care of herself and knows how to be a good decent troll and i love her for that. wow it literally took me one dialogue to like her. damn, that was fast. jesus.

you know who else is great?

terezi.

yeah i know right. and that whole trial thing, which yeah i guess half the time i was confused by what the fuck is going on since i still cant grasp the idea of how alternia works, but i enjoyed myself with lemonsnout and how terezi roleplays and how much she gets into it. seeing a character that passionate about something is so sweet and nice.

god this was just a nice overall session

which i say, while i completely forgot about the banter TA and karkat got into

right, that happened. oh my god. they both literally stomped all over each other, dissed one another, still made up in the end because apparently thats their friendship and i guess it just works like that. depends on the friends you have, i guess.

its funny though, not gonna lie

and karkat as of now is just being a prick and honestly? 

like more than usual, which i guess is weird to say but i mean from present time to beginning of hivebent karkat. not that its uncommon for him to be a prick, he is, but seeing him go through the non-linear pattern with john is mmmmh interesting to say the least. though we havent seen his first trolling, just him constantly going “oh god what did i say, i was dumb” u know, not in those words but thats basically what he means. 

ooh im gonna analyze, i feel like analyzing right now my fingers have already typed so much as it is MIGHT AS WELL

and our candidate will be *drum rollll* karkat wow predictable (its below the cut because this is literally irrelevant now to the session)

okay, lets lay out the shit we have already. as i said before, the way he talks presently to john (meaning in the future) is so different than how he speaks to everyone now. of course the “i hate the world” personality is still there, and hes still just regular karkat, but karkat talking with john is patient to some extent and tells him what he needs to know for the game, lowkey kinda chills out once they started talking about movies or growing up as huh, didnt he say larvae or smth?

okay that whole grub thing makes sense now as i just wrote that but i am still confused as to what the FUCK that is implying because i dont think it crossed my mind this much, im repressing it for now until it comes up later. 

anyways, back to what i was saying. he was so DIFFERENT than the way he’s acting now which is bitch and moan and like? stfu karkat lmfao. i mean, its not THAT big of a difference in character, because i know he’s still his grumpy old self, and theres a lot of potential.. for growth? not sure if we’ll get it but i like to assume we will get character growth from these characters with fucking 8000 pages talking about them. but a story needs that growth and with karkat being just a straight up angry dude, in MY EYES, he should.. have growth, no? idk HOW he will grow, but im basically just taking what i have right now which isnt much but i analyze things for fun sometimes so let me be.

that being said, because its so early on, im not sure where homestuck is gonna go and i dont have much to go on but being in the psychology course shit happens when you have limited information and you gotta pin point what makes a person a person and how do they cope with things to grow further into life. many of my assignments involve limited info so honestly, not that hard.

but it is something that ive noticed, the way karkat is different as he grows which possibly means the whole veil thing happens later later on in his life and we havent yet seen that small growth become patience and not whining every time he doesnt get what he wants. but growth is common and it mostly likely happens to everyone, so its not like wow this is a surprise and a plot twist, more of something that i just wanna write for the sake of writing it. i hope that makes sense? i dont exactly know where im going with this. i just mean that im basically going to analyse karkat a tiny bit so idk how to otherwise explain it but you’ll get where im going with this as i type more lmao. 

anyways, so karkat literally said “pretend i dont think highly of my friend’s talents” as if he’s visibly trying to force himself from all emotions and bash on those who do (reference: “stop being sensitive, its repugnant” or whatever tf he said while TA replied with “hypocrite”) i take that as a key word. so honestly, while that was the smallest thing ive gotten from this session, its the thing im most curious about actually and i actually havent mentioned lol. because what ive learned in psych, which this is just common knowledge but i did an assignment on it so like?? could be useful?? is that people who hold off their emotions tend to hold off others as well, so there is no chance of mirroring each other. in other words, if someone is happy and starts to laugh and goof around with another, the emotions will mirror that other person subconsciously. like an addictive laugh. theres also another way to show mirroring, which is to mimic another person's actions, allowing another to establish a sense of empathy and thus begin to understand another person's emotions. in this case, im using TA and karkat as example. people who suppress emotions tend to see emotions as a bad sign and if somebody else portrayed any sign of it as well, they’ll basically say “gross what are you doing” because theyre so used to concealing it away, that they dont want others to think theyre into the whole mushy shit. so they pretend to hate it, pretend to not even be slightly affected by general sensitivity..

which basically means karkat is a softie, and even if he’s a prick right now, meeee thinks john, from earlier convos, is growing on him because john himself knows how emotions work and while i dont think troll culture does know much about it, considering the BLOOD AND CARNAGE thing, he is in fact growing and even if thats obvious, and you all know it, i am new to homestuck and am trying to see that for myself. its noticeable to some degree. he may always still be a jerk, but i am waiting to see how he slowly starts to accept things around him and to finally show what hes hiding inside. even if its just going up by a few percentages, i see its there and im hoping VERY HOPING he has the biggest character growth!

in other words, why else do i think this?? well nobody who watches romcoms can be that fucking aggressive. you need some sap in you to like it.

on that note, ill probably analyze alternia’s system and rules in another post later throughout these next few sessions because i feel it needs to be talked about and the way everything just.. is so different and doesnt seem right, you know?

thats it for now goodnight

[princelettow-archive]

a dont know much about vtmb but becca x laclaw fill that opposites attract niche that i stan!!! a just gotta ask...🐥 what is becca's favorite thing about him and what attracted her to him? how did leclaw react when he realized his heart was in deep with feelings for becca? 🕵️

NAOMI,,,,,i would licherally DIE for u,,,, they’re my emotional suport stoopids honestly fjksd let’s get to Business! 🕵️ (under the cut because i really do get carried away with those two dumbasses)

god Okay the thing that attracted becca to him in the first place was pretty much the fact that he paid her (begrudgingly fsdfS) attention!! to sum things up bcs i don’t want to write a bible: he got tasked by the higher ups to keep an eye on her because it’s important to keep members of her vampire clan happy (just in case…) and because she was the childe of a powerful dude (and they were considering her as a replacement for him in things went wrong👀 - which they did hfksd) so even though he absolutely did Not want to be around her longer than necessary (she speaks A LOT and very cryptically and he gets annoyed quickly because “in case you haven’t noticed, some of us have work to do”)

anyway becca has always craved attention bcs she didn’t really get any of it when she was growing up and after being turned a vampire people usually avoid dealing with her because she’s just weird so to have someone actually sit down with you and listen to you talk (even tho he just ignored everything she said bcs he was annoyed fhdk) was great for her!! it was also hilarious to see him trying to maintain that polite and calm façade when he was 0.2 seconds away to lose his mind because she kept talking about hair dye and movies and he was signing documents so violently he almost ripped the paper fkjsdhfskj

this ties with laclaw first catching some sort of feelings for her and it was probably because she was the first person who actually asked him if he was feeling well and what he wanted!! bcs his higher ups are always “do this, do that” and he has to respect these orders and comply even tho he doesn’t want to or disagrees! and the people “””beneath””” him only ever do the same for him! he gives orders, he commands, they do what he wants but that’s it!! like it was Obvious to becca that he was only “hanging out” with her because he needed to so she just straight up asked him if he was okay and if he wanted her to leave him alone and he was caught a bit off guard because why do you care about what i want so he obviously told her to leave and she did but then the clown spent the next 4 nights looking up from his desk and opening his mouth as if to say something but she wasn’t there and the office was too silent now and next thing he knew he was writting an email requesting for her presence because they had “matters to discuss” (a Lie🕵️ but he wouldn’t admit he kinda missed her rambling!!!)

ANYWAY 2 when he started actually catching feelings it was the Worst bcs the dude didn’t know how to court properly bcs he hasn’t even kissed in 200 years and still thinks vampires can’t fuck!! so he had to ask his nemesis for love advice like an absolute clown bcs becca touched his hand and called him “sebastian” one night and he blacked out for 4 hours like a mr darcy fool! 

also as for becca’s favourite thing….physically-wise it’s his hands because they’re pretty and soft and she likes holding them and he twitches like a fool the first few times she does it but then he casually places them on the table like yeah please hold them but he won’t say shit because he’s a clown!!! she just likes him in general bcs she’s a FOOL and she likes how he sometimes stops working just to listen to her and ask her about things he absolutely does not understand or even care about just bcs they’re important to her, and how he doesn’t even have a sense of humour but he still pretends her jokes amuse him and he’s just genuinely nice to her!! he’s like an asshole but he tries very hard and he is so awkward and stiff when it comes to compliments that you KNOW he feels it’s like pulling teeth fhsudufhs but he does it anyway!!

[dumbledearme]

chapter one

~~ read The Second Soul here ~~

It all started Monday afternoon.

Johanna spent the whole day constructing a 1/10,000-scale replica of the Empire State Building from boxes of adult diapers. It was a thing of beauty, spanning five feet at its base and towering above the cosmetics aisle, with jumbos for the foundation, lites for the observation deck, and meticulously stacked trial sizes for its iconic spire. It was almost perfect, minus one crucial detail.

“You used Neverleak,” Shelley said, eyeing her craftsmanship with a skeptical frown. “The sale’s on Stay-Tite.” Shelley was the store manager, and her slumped shoulders and dour expression were as much a part of her uniform as the blue polo shirts they all had to wear.

Johanna never wore the uniform, came in late, repeatedly and with the flimsiest of excuses; made shockingly incorrect change; even misshelved things on purpose, stocking lotions among laxatives and birth control with baby shampoo, trying as hard as she could to piss Shelley off. “I thought you said Neverleak.” She hadn’t. Shelley had been very clear on her order and Johanna had purposely made the mistake.

“Stay-Tite,” Shelley insisted, shaking her head regretfully. There was a brief but awkward silence in which she continued to shake her head and shift her eyes from Johanna to the tower and back to Johanna again.

Johanna stared blankly at her, as if completely failing to grasp what she was passive-aggressively implying. “What?” she said finally. “You mean you want me to do it over?”

“It’s just that you used Neverleak,” Shelley repeated.

“No problem, Shell.” Johanna kicked a single box from the tower’s foundation and, in an instant, the whole magnificent structure was cascading down around them, sending a tidal wave of diapers crashing across the floor, boxes caroming off the legs of startled customers, skidding as far as the automatic door, which slid open, letting in a rush of August heat.

Shelley’s face turned red and Johanna could see how much the woman hated her. And yet, no matter how incompetent Johanna pretended to be, Shelley stubbornly kept her on the payroll.

It was next to impossible for Johanna to get fired from Smart Aid. Any other employee would’ve been out the door a dozen minor infractions ago. But Johanna’s dad owned every single Smart Aid in Florida and had insisted that she’d work there during the summer.

Wading through the diapers, Shelley poked her finger into Johanna’s chest and was about to say something dour when the PA system interrupted her.

“Johanna Roseberg, you have a call on line two. Johanna Roseberg, line two.”

Shelley glared at Johanna as she backed away.

The employee lounge was a dank, windowless room where Johanna found the pharmacy assistant, Linda, nibbling a crustless sandwich in the vivid glow of the soda machine. She nodded at a phone screwed to the wall. Johanna picked up the dangling receiver.

“Yehanan? Is that you?”

“Yeah, hey, Grandma.”

“Yehanan, thank God. I need my key. Where’s my key?” She sounded upset, out of breath.

“What key?”

“Don’t play games,” she snapped. “You know what key.”

“You probably just misplaced it, you know.”

“Your mother put you up to this,” she said. “Just tell me. She doesn’t have to know, Yehanan.”

“Nobody put me up to anything, Grandma.” Johanna tried to change the subject. “Did you take your pills this morning?”

“They’re coming for me, understand? I don’t know how they found me after all these years, but they did. What am I supposed to fight them with, the goddamned butter knife?”

It wasn’t the first time Grandma acted like this. She was old, and Johanna thought she was starting to lose it. The signs of her mental decline had been subtle at first, like forgetting to buy groceries or calling Johanna by her mother’s name. But over the summer her encroaching dementia had taken a cruel twist and she was sure there were monsters coming to get her.

“Look, you’re safe, Grandma. Everything’s fine. I’ll bring over a video for us to watch later, how’s that sound?”

“No! Stay where you are! It’s not safe here!”

“Grandma, the monsters aren’t coming for you, okay? I swear. You’ll be okay.” Johanna turned to face the wall, trying to hide this bizarre conversation from Linda, who shot her curious glances while pretending to read a fashion magazine.

“You don’t understand, Yehanan,” she said. “No, no, no. You can’t possibly understand. I think I made a mistake not telling you, not talking to you sooner. It might be too late now, Yehanan.” Johanna could hear her banging around her house, opening drawers, slamming things. She was in full meltdown. “You stay away, hear me? I’ll be fine; cut out their tongues and stab them in the eyes, that’s all you gotta do! If I could just find that goddamned KEY!”

The key in question opened a giant locker in her garage where she kept a stockpile of guns and knives sufficient to arm a small militia. It had always been her favorite thing in the world: weapons. She was definitely not your regular muffin-maker grandma.

Johanna’s mom said this sometimes happened to people who had experienced traumatic things. Grandmother was the only member of her family to escape Poland before the Second World War broke out. She was twelve years old when her parents sent her into the arms of strangers, putting their youngest daughter on a train to Britain with nothing more than a suitcase and the clothes on her back. It was a one-way ticket. She never saw her parents or brother ever again. Each one would be dead before her sixteenth birthday, killed by the monsters she had so narrowly escaped. But these weren’t the kind of monsters she was imagining now; they were monsters with human faces, in crisp uniforms, marching in lockstep, so banal you don’t recognize them for what they are until it’s too late. Johanna guessed that after everything her grandmother had been through, she never really felt safe anywhere, not even at home.

“I really don’t know anything about the key,” Johanna said, repeating the lie her mother had told her to say. Mom had taken the key away from Grandma, afraid she would end up hurting herself or others.

There was more swearing and banging as Grandma stomped around looking for the key. “Fine!” she said finally. “Let your mother have the key if it’s so important to her. Let her have my dead body, too!”

Johanna got off the phone as politely as she could and then called her mom.

“Grandma’s flipping out,” she told her.

“Has she taken her pills today?”

“She won’t tell me. Doesn’t sound like it, though.”

Johanna heard her mom sigh. “Can you stop by and make sure she’s okay, Jo? I can’t get off work right now.” Her mom volunteered part-time at the bird rescue. She was an amateur ornithologist and a wannabe nature writer, which are real jobs only if you happen to be married to a man who owns a hundred and fifteen drug stores.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Thanks, Jo. I promise we’ll get all this Grandma stuff sorted out soon, okay?”

“You mean put her in a home,” Johanna said. “Make her someone else’s problem.”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“Of course you have.”

“Jo…”

“Whatever, mom.”

Johanna hung up and called her boyfriend Ricky for a ride. She broke the bad news to Shelley and went outside to have a smoke. Ten minutes later, Ricky arrived with his mud-encrusted boots and his green hair. He saw her and leapt off the hood of his car.

“You fired yet, beautiful?” he shouted across the parking lot.

“I wish.”

Ricky kissed her with such enthusiasm that some people on the street turned to look the other way. “Don’t worry, beautiful. There’s always tomorrow.”

He kicked the car’s passenger door, which was how you opened it, and Johanna climbed in. The engine rattled to life in a cloud of blue smoke. The sky was turning the color of a fresh bruise as they pulled into grandma’s subdivision, a bewildering labyrinth of interlocking cul-de-sacs known collectively as Circle Village.

Johanna’s phone chirped with a text from her dad asking how things were going, and in the short time it took her to respond, Ricky managed to get them stunningly lost. When Johanna said she had no idea where they were, he cursed and pulled a succession of squealing U-turns as she scanned the neighborhood for a familiar landmark. It wasn’t easy, even though she’d been to visit her grandmother countless times growing up, because each house looked exactly like the next.

Finally Johanna recognized something or other and they managed to find the right place.

“Last one on the left,” she said. Ricky tapped the accelerator and they sputtered down the street. At the fourth or fifth house, they passed an old man watering his lawn. He was bald as an egg and stood in a bathrobe and slippers, spraying the ankle-high grass. Johanna turned to look and he seemed to stare back, though he couldn’t have, she realized with a small shock, because his eyes were a perfect milky white.

Ricky hung a sharp left into grandma’s driveway. He cut the engine, got out, and kicked Johanna’s door open. Their shoes hushed through the dry grass to the porch. Johanna rang the bell and waited. When there was no answer she banged on the door, thinking maybe the bell had stopped working.

“Maybe she stepped out,” Ricky said, grinning and pulling Johanna close. “Hot date.”

“Go ahead and laugh,” she said as he kissed her. “But she’s not good in the head. Something might’ve happened.”

The quiet was making her anxious. Johanna stepped away from Ricky and fetched the extra key from its hiding place in the bushes. “Wait here.”

“Hell I am. Why?”

“Because you’re six-five and have green hair and my grandma doesn’t know you and owns lots of guns.”

Ricky shrugged and stuck a wad of tobacco in his cheek. He went to stretch himself on a lawn chair as Johanna unlocked the front door and stepped inside.

Even in the fading light she could tell the house was a disaster; it looked like it’d been ransacked by thieves. Johanna’s heart sank. Grandma had really, finally lost her mind. Johanna called her name but heard nothing.

Then saw a gleam of light from the backyard. Running through the screen door, she found a flashlight abandoned in the grass, its beam pointed at the woods that edged her grandmother’s yard.

She shouted for Ricky and a moment later he came tearing around the side of the house. Right away he noticed something she hadn’t: a long mean-looking slice in the screen door. He let out a low whistle. “That’s a helluva cut. Wild pig coulda done it. Or a bobcat maybe. You should see the claws on them things.”

A peal of savage barking broke out nearby. They both traded a nervous glance. “Or a dog,” Johanna said. The sound triggered a chain reaction across the neighborhood, and soon barks were coming from every direction.

“Could be,” Ricky said, nodding. “I got a .22 in my trunk. You just wait.” And he walked off to retrieve it.

Sweat trickled down Johanna’s face. It was dark now. She picked up the flashlight and stepped toward the trees. Her grandma was out there somewhere, she was sure of it. Something seemed to guide her, a quickening in the chest, a whisper in the viscous air, and suddenly she couldn’t wait another second. She tromped into the underbrush like a bloodhound scenting an invisible trail.

She spied a narrow corridor of freshly stomped palmettos not far away. She stepped into it and shone her light around; the leaves were splattered with something dark. Her throat went dry. Steeling herself, she began to follow the trail. The farther she went, the more her stomach knotted, as though her body knew what lay ahead and was trying to warn her. And then the trail of the flattened brush widened out, and Johanna saw her.

Her grandma lay facedown in a bed of creeper, her legs sprawled out and one arm twisted beneath her as if she’d fallen from a great height. Johanna thought surely she was dead. Her shirt was soaked with blood, her pants were torn, and one shoe was missing.

Johanna ran to her, hands shaking, eyes watering, breathing turning harsh. She sank to her knees and pressed the flat of her hand against her back. The blood that soaked through was still warm. Johanna could feel her breathing ever so shallowly. She slid her arms under her and rolled her onto her back. Grandma’s eyes were glassy but the real problem were the gashes across her midsection. Johanna nearly fainted.

She heard Ricky shout from the backyard. “I’M HERE!” she screamed. Johanna looked down at her grandma again and noticed she was mumbling something, shifting between English and Polish.

“I don’t understand,” Johanna cried. “Grandma... Grandma, I don’t...”

Grandma’s eyes seemed to focus on Johanna, and then she drew a sharp breath and said, quietly but clearly, “Go to the island, Yehanan. It’s not safe here.”

“No. We’re fine. Grandma, you’re going to be fine. You’re going to-”

“Go to the island,” she repeated. “You’ll be safe there. Promise me.”

“Grandma-”

“Promise me, Yehanan.”

“Okay. I will. I promise.” Johanna closed her eyes; her tears were blinding her.

“I thought I could protect you,” Grandma said. “I should’ve told you a long time ago…”

“Told me what?”

“There’s no time,” she whispered. “Find the bird. In the loop. On the other side of the old man’s grave. September third, 1940. Emerson... the letter. Tell them what happened, Yehanan.”

With that she sank back, spent and fading. “No, no, no... Grandma... Please...” But then she seemed to disappear into herself, her gaze drifting past Johanna to the sky, bristling now with stars.

A moment later Ricky crashed out of the underbrush. “Oh man. Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus,” he kept saying, rubbing his face with his hands. He babbled about finding a pulse and calling the cops and did you see anything in the woods?

The strangest feeling came over Johanna. She stood up, every nerve ending tingling with an instinct she didn’t know she had. There was something in the woods, all right: she could feel it.

There was no moon and no movement in the underbrush and yet somehow Johanna knew just when to raise her flashlight and just where to aim it, and for an instant in that narrow cut of light she saw a face that seemed to have been transplanted directly from nightmares. It stared back with eyes that swam in dark liquid, furrowed trenches of carbon-black flesh loose on its hunched frame, its mouth hinged open grotesquely so that a mass of long eel-like tongues could wriggle out.

Johanna screamed and then it twisted and was gone, shaking the brush and drawing Ricky’s attention. He raised his .22 and fired, pap-pap-pap-pap, saying, “What was that? What the hell was that?” But he hadn’t seen it and Johanna couldn’t speak to tell him.

She dropped the flashlight, covered her mouth with her hands, took a step back, tripped and fell on her ass, too terrified for any other reaction. And then she must’ve blacked out because Ricky was shaking her shoulders and calling her name and that was the last thing she saw.

[franeridart]

I'm so glad Kirishima is getting so much spotlight, he really deserves it!!!! And it looks like hes gonna get more, since hes in the main group along with Deku, Uraraka and Tsuyu. I;m so hyped!!!

Honestly!!!!!!!!!!! That’s one interesting group tbh, Kirishima and Tsuyu’s interactions are always incredibly adorable to watch and seeing Kirishima interact for so long with pure and good people is gonna be hard on my heart (I mean, you know I’m 100% a bakusquad fan but they’re all at least in part assholes and Kiri fits with them just right, he can be just like Sero and Kaminari and I love it, but then his interactions with Amajiki have been so pure can you imagine an arc filled with that I’m already crying)

I just hope my other faves won’t completely disappear through this arc haha sigh

Anon said: So which Kacchan quote do you like best "Die your bacteria fucks, dieee!" or "BRING YOUR DAMN TRASH TO ME"?

LMAO SORRY ANON BUT MY FAVE GOTTA BE

WHAT A GODDAMN DISASTER THIS BOY IS

Anon said:there's a terushima week. thought i might tell you bc i miss you drawing him ;3; might wanna join? :3

Anon said:Terushima week is this next week! (@terushimaweek) Might we maaaybe see some cute lil bokuroterus sometime soon? ;)

As I’ve already said, sadly I’ve found out about this too late to be part of it - I’m not completely ruling out the possibility of doodling something one of the days, but I didn’t have the time to plan anything and I’m still in the middle of working things through with the bakushima week and bakugou’s birthday so I don’t know - they 19th is Teru’s birthday so maybe I’ll draw something for it, but it’s also a super busy day for me so it really depends on how soon I’ll be able to finish everything else I’m working on orz I’m sorry guys I seriously had no clue about this till, like, five days ago o

Anon said: What are your thoughts on KiriDeku b/c I'm not even that into it but as soon as I saw art I was like "OMFG I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING SO PURE CHOULD EVER EXIST!!!" My following thought was that'd you may have something interesting to say (as you always do, I luv it), so here I am 😁 Also, I love the blog, your amazing art, and you!! I truly appreciate all you do ❤️❤️

Awwww thank you!!! And I dunno, as things are now my opinion on a possible ship might change soon enough because it looks like their interactions amount is about to skyrocket, so anything I say right now is just a temporary answer? But generally I find their friendship incredibly adorable, though as of now I don’t think I can see anything romantic between the two... mostly because even though I’ve seen them being friendly and supportive of each other I don’t think I’ve ever seen them actually connect over anything that wasn’t Bakugou?? Being friendly and supportive is just how they both are with everyone, before I can say I ship them I’m gonna need something more singular to their relationship

I might be totally biased here considering where my main shipping lies, though haha

Anon said:HOSHIHINA!!!! YESSSSS!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! I think this is like.... my new OTP or well... a new OTP that I will gratefully put on the shelf next to all my other children in love!! oh yeah and THANK YOU for introducing me to both BNHA and d grey man! I'M IN LOVE!!! oH and YOUR ART IS AMAZING!!! KEEP IT UP!! I WILL GRATEFULLY SWALLOW UP ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU POST IT'S AMAZING!!! YOUR OC'S TOO!!! Have a nice day!!

So much!!! HYPE in this ask!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!! Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for EVERYTHING anon I hope you’ll have the best day!!!!!! *O* And I’m SUPER GLAD you gave dgm and bnha a try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Aww the kiss. I know you posted it the other day, but it wouldn't load on my tablet. They're so cute, those two. 💜✌

*lays down forever* they are aren’t they those pure idiots !!!!

Anon said:I'm laughing so hard. Literally everyone that read the new chapter was like expectation vs reality. I love my idiots. Also yas to HoshiHina

HoshiHina is an A+ ship with A+ potential and I think I’m being slowly but surely swallowed by it - then again, what Hinata ship don’t I ship even ??? the mysteries

Anon said:To answer you question on what cheese sticks are, they're this disgusting processed cheese stick, also known as string cheese, and it's p much what it is, cheese in the form of a small stick that you can pull apart into strings and eat like that! (as you may have noticed, I'm not a fan hah) ((I don't know if you know the artist mookie, but she made a comic about bokuto eating a cheesestick whole before)

Anon said: cheese sticks = string cheese? D: they are delicious i promise

I’m seeing conflicting reports here (lol) but yes this might be a problem for me only because as I said I’m Italian but what I’m failing to see here is what kind of cheese are these things supposed to be ???

Anon said:Are you into Kuroken?

Only as very good friends, I don’t ship it romantically at all

Anon said:I love your bakushimas, SO SO SO MUCH. God, and with the latest chapter, I just can't wait for more interactions with them. God, seeing as I think Kirishima was filmed by the people that were there, I want to see Bakugou's reaction to his new move.

This took me long enough to answer that we now know Baku’s reaction was total and utter envy at how popular Kiri is LMAO - but yeah I still think Baku already knew about Kiri’s new move! After all he most probably came up with it as they trained for the license exam and I can’t believe he wouldn’t test it against Bakugou to make sure he actually turns unbreakable? Also proud-of-himself Kiri yelling at the squad to check out his new move is too much of a good image I can’t let that one go hahaha

Anon said:I started following you for Haikyuu but started boku no hero academia in order to understand what your other drawings were so I thank you (and blame you) for getting me hooked on another anime and manga :)

I’m!!!!!! HAPPY you ended up liking it???!!!! *O*

Anon said:I just wanted to tell you that you're my most fave artist here in tumblr istg i go to your page everyday just to go back at the fanart you drew if you didn't have any new, but when u have, my heart just swells and i fuss over it. God bless you because you opened my eyes for bakushimanari when i was just kiribaku back then.. God i love denki sfm right now bc of you, im sad bkk week is over though ahh and laven. Jfc i love your laven pls draw them more if u can 😘 i hope you'll have a great day!!

Don’t!!!! worry anon Laven has been my #1 otp since I was sixteen at this point it’s just not gonna leave me ever, I’ll definitely draw more of it in the future! And thank you??? so much?????? Oh man!!!!!

Anon said:Everyone in class 1-A: *trains as if they're gonna be in a battle royal and need to (literally) slaughter the competition* Competition: OBSTACLE RACE YAY

Well, the anime did change the training scenes a lot lol but LMAO anon they’re highschoolers what were you expecting hahahahaha it’s already savage enough as it is, I assure you lol

Anon said:Hi hello yes are you up for some angsty stuff because my brain turns even the sweetest moment to that, like what if kaminari saw bakushima's first kiss and he becomes so sad b/c he crushes on them both but he pretends not to and starts teasing 'em like a true bro while hiding his feelings and idk it's only if you want but yeah, how's your day been?

..........I would lie if I said I didn’t think about this while drawing that kiss R I P my multishipper heart is gonna kill me BUT IT’S OKAY I’m not one for unhappy endings so consider this - Denki sees them kiss, since he’s best bro and both Kirishima and Bakugou tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves he already knew this was gonna happen so he’s like, sad but resigned it hurts and he wishes he didn’t have to see it but he loves them both so much that he can’t help but being happy for how happy they are at the same time too (sure, being part of that happiness would be a dream coming true, but he’s used to never coming first he can deal with this hahahahaha r i p)

Meanwhile a bit after the kiss once Kiri is a hundred per cent sure Bakugou isn’t going to explode his head off if he mentions his very huge crush on Kaminari he does and Bakugou’s like, shit, it’s not like he’d mind it because Kaminari is, well, he’s Kaminari and Bakugou isn’t sure why but he’s comfortable to be around and easy to talk to and he’s stupidly pretty and like, yeah, okay, he might be into him too, maybe, he isn’t admitting anything here (not like he needs to, as stated already he’s pretty easy to read), but Kaminari’s also the no homo type of het so it’s not like they can do much about this threeway crush or whatever, and Kirishima’s like sure, I know, I just wanted to be open about this to avoid trouble, which is very sensible and will cut us on a lot of miscommunication angst this is getting out of hand let’s skip ahead I always forget how much fun I have writing this kind of bullshit

For however much Kaminari swore he could deal with it and how much he’s actually managing to deal with it he’s also the same brand of open book Baku and Kiri are and while it was easy to act like friends with no romantic feelings when everyone was doing the same, trying to hide from Bakugou and Kirishima while they’re openly in a relationship turns out to be more or less impossible, mostly because he can’t seem to avoid the longing stares and sad smiles and the I have to go I just remembered I have a thing to do bye’s when it becomes too much, and Kirishima might not be the brightest but he’s perfectly in tune with everyone’s feelings and Bakugou might stomp on people’s feelings more often than not but he is the brightest which means they notice and they’re like god fucking damn it - Bakugou in nature isn’t one to talk about problems until they burst out in fits of anger, but thank god he’s got Kirishima right there and they might not be 100% sure they got the reason for Kaminari’s weirdness right but they’re exasperated and they at least want their friend to stop being weird and avoiding them, they miss him (and Kaminari seriously misses them too he feels so stupid for how big of a deal he’s turning this into) SO they corner him and talk it out cause I’m a slut for open and honest communication and Kaminari straight out starts crying from happiness and relief before they’re even done talking and Kirishima starts crying right after him because sympathetic crier supreme and Bakugou’s like you know what I changed my mind fuck both of you emotional disasters I’m out

(spoiler he isn’t really)

[ayoubhr]

This is kinda long but this is all for everyone who feels lost .. so listen carefully to be happy, you need to love. By that, i mean, to be happy, you need to love everything in the whole world, love every morning and night and time and love nature and love alone time and love people time (although this is quite tiring) and love everything literally, without expecting anything back .. I believe that even if one day somehow u find yourself homeless, or poor or anything, so as long as u breathe, u will only feel happy existing .. And that after pain, comes growth ! Because you learn that what pains you, needs to be taken cared of , If people are bad to you, it's their own reaction, it's in reality not you that's the problem , You're only existing, and learning, and growing, like everyone else, even the oldest people on this earth are growing.. That's why i find it important to not be too hard on yourself, to learn what you need to learn, that you wont learn everything fast, but you will one day learn it all and go on in your life with that knowledge u know .. , And nothing will bring you down, because you grew.. Don't be afraid of ignoring the people that bother you, don't be afraid of being left, don't be afraid at all ! Because fear will hold you back , listen .. People always listen to their brains, and they fail listen to their heart, and when you feel that you need to make efforts, to change something, deep down in your heart, listen to it, and work through it .. just love everything , love everyone , and fall hard fall and rise and love and feel alive again everything will be clearer for you very soon , but only show your heart for those who understand it's value, people can lie and pretend being many things, you never really know who they are and it's sad when you think about it. But you should never lose yourself, because i swear to god that you're lovely. I know your heart is so big you could help everyone with it, but really you should keep it for those that you love and that love you too, that deserve your help. Be nice to everyone but never show too much u see. Take care of yourself, really even in small ways, it matters. It's ok to keep a light heart and to ignore problems when they get overwhelming, but trust me talking about it helps, or even just talking to those who are close to you helps. Or even doing your homework or playing with a pet if you have one. Or even chilling outside when it's a nice weather. I swear the smallest things can make you happy, even if you don't love yourself enough, just know that you're loveable because you deserve it, because you're so good. Even if happiness doesn't last, even if you're sad inside, just know that what matters are the actions you make whenever you feel so and so. What matters is being wise enough to not lose yourself, sometimes when just knowing that you don't want to feel bad can be enough to change you. Never let anything bring you down long enough, know that it is just an obstacle that you need to overcome. And sometimes the most healing changes come from the saddest times.and always notice people who are going through bad moments , because when you hope for more than you have you will never feel satisfied. Some things happen and you just can't control them, so the best thing is to accept it and move on, no matter how long it takes... I was a nice smooth storm i didn't hurt, i was really kind and tolerant, it was lovely. But something about my silence felt wrong, I felt like i weren't completly happy. I really wished to understand what it was but now i think i do. Honestly, I'm great. I swear that there's nothing wrong with having a kind heart, nothing because it's human and normal, you only need to hide it from those who wont understand its value, those who try to make it dirty when it feels better for it to be clean. You just need to cover it, to not leave it exposed. That doesn't mean you should keep it overdressed in summer, i mean when somebody shows you wamrth you can let yourself feel it and give them warmth too, but when they make you feel cold then cover your heart well so that it doesnt get sick. How i see me and many like me is as a kinda soul that is lost in a big and sad sea. Your heart is so big it can be shared with all for healing . I'm not like that and that's probably why i seemed sad, i see beauty in everything and that's so lovely. i gotta Keep it, it's a dear quality and probably the dearest. I was hurt because the world can be ugly, i feel out of this world because I'm not like everyone. I just guess that everyone is too busy surviving, while I'm content observing what is going on, that maybe is why i was once lost.... You can know when people are real and when they're not, you can feel it in your heart. Why i think you're gonna make use of reading this ? why is it important that you're reading this because , deep inside you you're great, bcs of so many reasons and i'll talk about them slowly so you can be sweet, bcs inside you u really are, let people fall in love with your heart and how good it is, you can so understanding to people and tolerant even if they annoy you and that's dear. You need and u can understand emotions, and you can be nice to people because you know what pain is. I love how is it possible for all of us to be patient and thoughtful , you don't force anyone to do anything they don't want to and that is so great. You're deep, you're not afraid of depth and getting to know what people are scared to discover, feelings. That maybe is why you're not satisfied with how you feel, . Honestly i wonder if you ever noticed how people always put on a show about themselves to seem strong, and how few are actually real. You probably did. It's normal to feel sad, weak, pained. But trust me, the worst thing you can do to yourself is ignore your worth and compare it to someone else's. , i want you to know that your depth is wonderful. If it were a feeling, it would feel like taking a warm bath. Your depth can make people feel safe , and I want you to know that you're great all the time, it doesn't matter what you do or your mistakes or how your life is going on. All these are things you can't control. You're great all the time because your heart is a treasure that i want to hold dearly. Please heal yourself slowly, never make decisions when you're feeling bad because those aren't the wisest ones trust me. Just wait for it to go, it gets better i swear you're always going to be okay, you just need to understand how amazing you really are. It takes a huge amount of time to accept everything that happens to us, but it is so worth it in the end with patience and hope, and i believe that you can be happy. I never had anyone to tell me these things, that's why I want you to realise that you really start being happy by accepting everything that happens as things you can't control, the only thing you can control is how you act and react to them. The wisest thing is to think before doing anything, to ask yourself is it really right or worth it.. So to who ever you are , where ever you are my name is Ayoub and I just hope that you will feel much better, that you will feel entirely content with life one day .💙

[shiny-craboo-blog]

@rockformed​ replied to your post : i keep goin away for a long time but theres a good...

what asshole?? 👀👀👀👀👀

WHOOO lemme tell you this is a long one (sorry about any spelling errors i was tryna get this done quickly)

it was actually that guy that we played overwatch with together once.

ive known him since about december, but he was saying lots of homophobic and racist shit, so i was like eh might as well try to make him a better person, but to do that, you gotta get close, and i started liking him (literally @ past me why?????)

so i flirt a little here, giggle a little there, and he falls in love with me. i liked him too, but he liked me to a point where it was obsessive. he was telling me i saved his life and that out of everyone on earth im his favorite. i come out to him as trans one day, and after a lot of thinking, he was like “okay yeah im okay with this” and i was happy

however, like i said, he was really obsessive. he wouldnt let me play games with anyone else unless he was there, and when i tried to watch a show with one of our mutual friends, he gets all upset about it.

eventally, even though he liked me, he started being a real ass. i told him that i didnt really like him anymore and that i wanted to stay friends, and he turned it into this huge fight and ended it with “Forget it... Good night.” - and he used that phrase every (and “goodbye”) every time he wanted a conversation to sound final or like he was going to die if i didnt give him all my attention right then and there.

the fighting continued for a few months, during which he called me a sociopath, narcissistic, not worthy off being called a human being, and all that typa stuff. he started feeling suicidal - even though he felt that way before i met him, he started feeling it stronger because he didnt have me constantly fawning over him to ease it out - and he straight up told me that he blamed me for his feelings.

the fights got reaaalllll bad, and eventually he had a set day and time, and every time i said i was going to call his mom about it, he got really defensive and acted like i was attacking him, saying “dont test me” and shit

he became really emotionally manipulative and just flat out malicious tbh

the day came around and i blocked him because i didnt want to hear about it, and he started yet another fight. he didnt do anything though because half an hour later he came crawling back saying that he needed someone to talk to and that he had this whole change of heart and that he realized what his friends were worth and how he acted really shitty and that he was sorry

but he didnt change his behavior at all lmao

he kept arguing with me, so i started just. not joining as much and not talking to him as often and he got really pissy, asking me if i was talking to other people and accusing me of talking with this guy who he hates (the guy he hates left to make another server with all the people this guy was an asshole to so they could have a place where he wasnt there being a dick and the guy im telling you about acts like the victim whenever he talks about it like?? literally if u were a better friend they wouldnt have felt the need to?) (and i totally was talking to the guy bc the enemy of your enemy is your friend and all that) but he was a real ass about it. 

and saturday!! this saturday!!! he was an ass the moment i joined the call so i left and he got mad saying like “you know how i get upset when you leave the call” and i was like “i just??? dont wanna be there if ur gonna be mean to me the moment i join??” and he said

THIS BITCH

said

“its a guy thing to be mean to your friends. but i guess you wouldn’t know about that ;)”

so i blocked him. he texts me saying that hes been mean because his dads been on his back about college, and i said it wasnt an excuse. a few minutes later, someone from the server messages me sayin that nick said if i dont unblock him hes gonna ban me. so i unblocked him and asked for a reason why i should stay. this bitch. this ass. says “because i thought we were friends” LIKE BIIIIIIITCH PLEAAAAAAASE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WE AINT

anyway we fought for 3 hours and rather than giving me any good reasons to stay he called me stupid and said i misinterpreted the message like?? how else am i supposed to interpret it????????

so im staying, making him fall in love with me again, then leaving.

bonus: i made a list of the highlights of some of the shit things hes said to me

"Forget it... good night." "i used to trust everyone then the thing happened with my cousin so i stopped sharing myself or exposing myself. then i did over the years with kii then she backstabbed me. then ness and it happened again. i didnt trust anyone and still wasnt ok with sharing myself. then u stepped in and made me feel happy and wanted and like i could trust people. then you said you loved me like you did. i opened up and pursued and got lead on for 15 hours a day for a month up until i got enough courage to try to stand and speak open heartedly and with courage and the next day you lose all interest." "you know what? you obviously dont like me anymore. im over it you win. im done chasing. the goalposts always change. its over." "i cant stop chasing you. you are literally my favorite person on earth." "im doing this once a day from now on. wanna go out" "1 reason i got on ow. *1 reason i got on ow off my psych. guess it doesnt matter to you." “For the record the reason im mad all the time is because im fucking pissed at you but cant take it out for some reason.” “reason im so shit ight now is caught i thought i was at rock bottom and you took me up the mountain just to fling me off. forget it. good night." "youre still online. just gonna pretend im not here?" "hope this doesnt wake you up but sorry for being a cunt." "i still want to die haha. life sucks" "im sorry." me: you purposely did something to make me mad and then get upset when i get mad "im hald zoned in rn im getting killed by bad vibes but im not gonna make you mad ever again." "why did you fool me. i fight with you a lot now and its because of what you did to me and how ive lost my sense of self and all emotions because of you. but then i remember this is just how i usually am and being happy is what people are supposed to be like and im not so this is normal and only my fault so. i forgot where i was going with this but take care friend." "if it was the concept thing then why do i still love you." "i get upset because i have to actively avoid falling for you." "im only angry and mean to you because i dont understand my emotions." "im gonna kill myself saturday at 7:32 pm" (<<<this was two weeks ago hes fine now) "im not gonna do it i just want attention" "to keep it 100 i just said that so you wouldnt call anyone." "dont test me" "eat shit" "if youre trying to make me unfriend you its working" "actual human beings dont pull that bullshit. they suck it up and stick to their word or break the news to the other and dont drag them along." me: every humans a human regardless of whether or not they feel "theyre a human. not an actual human. theyre a human but not worthy of being called one." "in 3 months you managed to fuck with my emotions and make me want to kill myself more than kii did in 3 years." "i think this is the last conversation were gonna have. if you got anything important to say speak now or forever hold your peace. alright youre in overwatch and missed your chance." "have fun with your game hope its worth losing me over."

me: im going to call your mom and tell her right now "and say what? 'im a bad friend and now nick wont talk to me?'"

me: no. 'nicks planning on killing himself.' "and ill just say its someone im amd at trying to get revenge on me" "im not convinced that its not a whole thing made specifically to drive me to suicide." "in queue rather than fixing problems. typical. goodbye, asshole." "what if by trying to stop the outcome u saw you just pushed me away from one of the only people i trusted and now im on a path that ends in my inevitable self destruction." "no thats the depression but i am saying u took away what made me happy." "forget it, ill catch you later. apparently no goodbyes either lol." "bye oats." "the only thing you will ever love besides yourself is overwatch. bye." "are you there i just got back and i really need someone." "beause youre the middle man i guess and it was a test of allegiance i think in my mind." "idk i just feel like not many people actually like me deep down and its a shit thing of me to put that on others." "hows ness doing" "because im done walking on eggshells for you, snowflake. "its a guy thing to be a dick to your friends. guess u wouldnt understand ;)" "sorry for being a jerk. dad has been riding me all week and im mad all the time." "maybe you would get it if your dad ever punched you or woke you up by throwing shit at you." (i know for a fact his dad doesnt do this. there was a whole week where we were in a call 24/7 to see how long we could get one to last and his dad brings him dinner and plays xbox in the same room sometimes. i get that from an outside perspective this may seem mean to overlook, but if you knew this guy, you wouldnt put it past him to lie about shit like this just for attention.) "youre being such a baby over this. its not a big deal, its an argument." "considering you didnt write it id consider it awful stupid of you to think you can interpret it better than the author." "you dont know me"

[estonem1]

When I told you Imma start getting over you I hoped so. “Wounds heal over time”. For whatever or whoever they are. At least thats what people say.

But the sad truth is my wounds didnt heal. Not fully. Not yet. But neither the world ended as I though it will. Doors open and close, people come and go. All the time i was standing in the corner hopeless, convincing myself it will all pass; most times i hit the ground grasping for air with pain in my chest so intense I wished I was dead. I swear I hope that not even the people that did me dirty to experience this. So am not so sad about some things as i used to be but thats not healed i think cuz tears keep falling down my face when I remember. Imma say Im used to it. Cuz its the only thing I could do. Many times I ve asked myself why this have to happen to me? Will everytime I start to get better something worse have to happen to bring me even lowest. Till when? I fear happiness. I really do. Like nothing good ever stays with me. I lost myself many times but somehow Im always back on track, soul hurt but never hardened even after all. Feelings are for the brave they say. So I guess I am brave. I got this on my own rn and I always did.

But in the world where everything is so temporary choosing to be permanent is insane I think. It hurts being the only one tryna hold on everything, its foolish. Its useless and it leaves you bleeding.

But I guess some souls are restless and yet never tired. Somehow they always find strength.

And I refuse the world to make me hard. I ll never be like them. I hope so. I will never lose you because of my pride. I will triple text and not be ashamed to show you that I care for you. And if I say that I care for you more than I care for me, dont ever doubt that. Also I wont show less attention and interest in you just for you to not take me for granted. Never. I’m letting you know that you mean the world to me. That my feelings for you wont fade. I trust you with my secrets. You ll have me by your side as long as you decide you want to. They all say trust my words but I ll tell you watch my actions and judge by them. My words fail many times and you know Im tongue before brain. I may sometimes say things that dont look like me (like tryna appear unbothered) and I keep forgetting that you know my soul. Also I wont ever leave you wondering.

But lemme keep this straight. I wont beg for you. Wont beg for you to stay and be by my side. Thats the most heartbreaking thing ever. And my heart aches remembering my mothers eyes begging for my dads presence. Me begging for dunno what cuz i was so confused like i had to carry the whole weigth of the world on my shoulders. Feeling so small and worthless while you have whole universe inside you so loveable.

I dont know what happend that thought you and shaped you like this. You remember times when I told you that I cant figure you out but i know there s something. For everything there s a reason. I believe there s much more to be understood underneath the surface. I wont even beg you for you to open up to me I ll just ask from you to trust me with your soul. To give me your hand in mine, fingers intertvined with mine and trust me that everything you go through I am by your side always. Let me be your strength. Help me understand your reasons.

Cuz there is a reason for everything.

Like there is a reason that I met you. That you walked in my life and flipped it upside down. I had my trust broken, my heart was betrayed and shattered into milion pieces tried to handle it all , all by myself. So I know how being introvert and all alone feels like and Im glad that Im not like that with you. Its not that I wont be able to live without you the thing is that i dont want to. Dont ever want to remember how life before meeting you felt.

So Pleasepleaseplease. I know that you arent as you used to be and that you are not the same with the others and me and Im glad for this. Open up to me try it you are not weak not shame not worthless I promise you!

Tell me your problems from the past and presence, your shitty days, your fears, your passions, your dreams- lets share everything. I know I never stop talking but Im such a good listener. When I overreact its because I love you and I care for you. Trust me with your secrets. Its just me and you.

Being like this in a world like this hurts like hell aint gon lie but whats the point of being like all? Pretending that u dont give a fuck about anything or even worse not even pretending. Is that how its supposed to be? Am i the one who s wrong or its the others? I m giving you my hand and in the other you got the gun with you finger on the trigger.

So teach me :)

At least thats real love I think. Finding that one person and showing them how vunerable you are and they deciding to never leave your side. Loving you when your are least loveable (You when I was all curled up in bed, face black from the ruined make up, shaking and crying my soul out)

And remember Its was worth it, it is and it will be. Because in the world so temporary you made me happy and glad that im yours so many times that i ll use them wisely enough to survive for a lifetime❤️

At least I ll try

I hope this never happens, Me to never be without you and you to be the one that decides to always be by my side and never gives up on us. But whatever happens, wherever life brings you if you r ever in doubt just remember my eyes watering when Im telling you “I love you” and remember my body warmth when I hug you- I ll be always by your side.

Ps gotta stop now mom s bringing me a lunch and my face s all red from crying ily

[teerthakulkarni]

JUST ANOTHER START

This is my 1st time writing something. I mean it’s not like I haven’t tried it before, I did but it never turned out to be as good as I thought it should be so as I can open it to the world. I never really had the self-esteem issues until I was 16, which is when I got into college. First day of my college was pretty confusing. I thought I knew exactly what I was doing until I didn’t. I thought making friends in college would be as easy as I did in school and I was right. Making friends was easy but making the real friends was quite challenging.

       My first day, first lecture at 7:15, I enter into the classroom; take a sneak peak of all the people I’ll welcome into my so called “new life”. I being, or more like assuming that I’m this ‘hipster cool girl’, tries to find the crowd that I would fit into and eventually goes down and ask to sit beside this pretty girl, short,(and by short I mean real short cause I’m 5.2 )with brown hair and just 1 streak of golden or bronze highlight ,which is particularly what caught my attention and bright red lipstick. A little talk with her instantly made me realize I was nothing like her. Nothing like any of the people I tried to be friends with. And they were nothing like what I thought they would be. So the feeling of self doubt suddenly hit me; was I suddenly this shy girl or just not cool enough anymore? Was it because of the way I talk? Or was it because I have acne? Etc etc… And this thoughts bothered me a lot more than it should have had. That was the 1st rock thrown at my self esteem and I blame no one but me. From there I went on to explore more about people around me. This short road trip of 2 years took me quite some time to learn  to practice self-love and on my journey I got more rocks thrown at me, I threw some rocks back, I took shelter under some, defended myself with a smile to cover that up but it was all worth it. I achieved a lot out of this but my greatest achievement out of this 2 years was I found the 3 or as u can say ‘2 and a sometimes ‘ most amazing ,smart, funny and cool friends with best memories to last for a lifetime.

               So the moral of my story is pretty simple and pretty obvious:

The 1st thing I learnt was u cannot be out there judging people for judging others. That makes you nothing but a hypocrite. You gotta live and let live. And for that you gotta live in harmony and make peace with all kinds of people.

2nd is that there are people with different opinions and just because they got an opinion which does not agree with yours, does not make them wrong and u have to understand that. You don’t have to agree with them but u also don’t have to criticize them. You gotta respect their opinion and respect them as a person for having that opinion.

The 3rd and the most important…Might be a cliché but so important…I cannot stress this enough..”YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF”…It’s ok if you are not like them, actually it’s great that you are not like everyone else because you don’t have to be. Remember you are born different, you were raised different, you learn different things, you got different interests, and you made different memories…so what is the point in being same like everyone else now. Also, stating ’everyone else’ has got no meaning to it since there is no ‘everybody else’…No 2 people are ever the same. There are just bunch of people pretending to be same to stick together and form a group calling themselves the society. Because everyone is insecure and everyone wants to fit in; to be a part of this huge, great crowd just to feel acceptable and loved. May it be a lie but people would kill for the feeling. And for that feeling, people overlook the truth. The truth that we are all weird and none of us fit in cuz none of us is meant to fit in. Not even the identical twins r the same. They grew up all the same but they still see things differently. They got their own vision, their own dreams, all together their own different minds. And that is what makes all the difference .This differences within us that we are made to believe to be abnormal, unusual, weird and all other sorts of things are nothing but major reason for why we are so special and always have been. So my major lesson would be “HUN,YOU DO YOU”. Make mistakes-learn from it, do embarrassing stuff-smile through it, let yourself fall-build up through it, and let yourself go-grow through it. And on your journey help people and let people help you. But do not let a single being step on you just because you do not fit into the picture they paint. So…BE YOU!! And every next time BE BETTER VERSION OF YOU!!